Lost soul of a granddaughter I have the most wonderful grandfather any girl and boy would fancy of he's to die for. He treated all his grandchildren the same but deep down I know as he always tolled me I'm his beloved one. I've never had a father that would care for me the way he do or even love me the way my grandfather loved me and treated me.
My love for him is so huge and enormous that each time I look in his eyes I can see his soul. The spark of his eyes when he sees me is priceless. The hugs that he gives me each time we meet is breathtaking and spectacular.
Part of what I have become is because of him. He raised me, advised me, prayed for me and he always made me happy. Some people when they need help in fixing things they ask me to help them ، my fascination in fixing things came form him. It was he who took me once in our beach house to fixes things Oh the things we have fixed was hilarious and from that day I loved fixing thing. It was he who have said allot of pomes about me he loved pomes though I'm not a big fan of pomes I adored the whisper of pomes he whispered to me. Yes, on the whole I was his little princess to him I was like peter pan like I will never grow up hahaha funny a lot of people think that way about me but say I have the brain of a 50 years old.
My grandfather was the healthy type of people he have a schedule which is waking up each morning for the prayer followed by breakfast at 6 o'clock then lunch at 1 then diner at 9 finally back to bed at 11. He dose not have diabetes, blood pressure or any other diseases he was perfectly healthy and happy satisfied with his life.
All of a sudden he had tumor in his kidney that was an unexpected twist with that I felt like my stomach is exploding I felt the pain for him just like it was my own personal pain. He had the surgery and the treatment necessary and he was ok again furthermore another twist came he collapsed once more, water on his chest and then in his brain but all I know is what I have been tolled that it was just a regular check ups I suspected by the way I look at him I know there is something hidden , there is a secret that they are not telling me about they refused to tell me and it nearly tear me apart. Finally I know , I know, I know the secret the horrible harsh truth that he is dyeing in a brain cancer that destroyed almost all his nerve system and that have spread all over his body. I know now and it killing me I know and it destroying me they tell me it's Act of God I know it is but I need to mourn and grieve. I went to him and witnessed him on that bed with his mouth open unable to move, speak or even breathe it smashed my heart and shattered it in to million pieces. He is ending; ceases to exist his broken and I can not fix him how can't I fix him. Though he is still alive he is lifeless. He is not dead and he is not alive.
It's scaring me to death I have never lost any body for death before and I am not mentally, emotionally or even physically ready to loss him my one and only I feel like a lost soul with out him. I still love him and I started aching when he started falling believe me when I tell you when I thought he was gone the first time I almost die. Now that he is going to the endless sleep I don’t know how to deal with it. Do I deal with it that he is dead or alive? When I pray for him should I pray he get well even when I know he will not , or should I pray for him to die to spare him the torture he is in? But how can I pray for my loved one to die. I'm lost and scared. I still need him how can I go throw this life without him loving me and guiding me.
موضوع: LOST SOUL :( 
